Angel Without Wings
by thetardis.and.stars
Summary: Cas meets back up with the Winchester's and watches the angels fall. Dean is now left to take care of a sick brother, the King of Hell, and a lost Castiel by himself. Then things start to get even worse. How will Dean manage to care of everything? Destiel fluff. UA
1. Chapter 1

**A one shot of what happened directly after the fall. It's a little different than what actually happened at the end of the episode, but oh well. So sue me. Enjoy! This takes place in an UA (Universe Alternate). It's different than what happened at the end of 8.23, so just chill.  
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**~Disclaimer: I don't own it. Boo.~**

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"Sam come on we need to get out of here!" I grab Sam under his arms, and try to haul him out the front door of the old church. My phone starts ringing as we reach the Impala, and I whip it out of my pocket as I gently set Sam down on the ground.

I look at the number, and notice that it matches Cas'. "Cas?" I yell into it.

"Dean, where are you?" His voice sounds shaky, something I'm not used to hearing.

I rattle off an approximate location, going back to Sammy to see if he is still conscious. "Hurry up and get your feathery ass here."

"My ass isn't the 'feathery' part." His voice is right behind me, but it doesn't make me jump for once. I grab Sam's shoulder and try to get him to look at me. "Dean, what happened to him?"

Cas sounds tired and shaky, but all I can focus on is Sam. I can't lose him, not after everything he has been going through. For once, he was the one trying to protect me, and I can't lose him because of it.

"Dean…" Sam's voice draws me out of my thoughts.

"Hey Sammy," I tell him, trying to get him to stop moving. "Don't get up Sammy, just relax."

"Dean, look" He points towards the sky and I wrench my gaze away to see what he is trying to show me.

I can't believe my eyes. Hundreds of fireballs, falling through the sky, falling towards the Earth. Something I never thought I would see in my lifetime. It takes me a minute before I realize Sam is talking to me again.

"Dean, what's happening?" Sam says weakly.

"The Angels…" I try to keep looking up through the rain, unable to tear my gaze away from what is happening. "They're…"

"Falling," Cas finishes me sentence, sinking to his knees on the ground on my other side. "They are all falling… All of heaven…" He sounds so defeated…

"We need to get out of here…" I whisper to no one in particular. "We need to leave, now." I finally manage to look away from the site, and see that Sam has passed out. Grabbing under his arms again, I get him off the ground and angle him away from the car enough to get the passenger door open. I maneuver him into the Impala, getting shutting the door behind me.

"Crowley…" I mumble to myself as I look back at the church. I walk to the trunk of the car and open it, checking out the Demon's Trap on the inside hood to make sure it's still intact. When I'm positive it will do its job, I start heading back for the opening of the church.

"Dean…" I forgot Cas was still here, and his weak voice makes my heart wrench. I walk over to where he is still kneeling on the ground, watching all his brethren falling. I stand in front of him so he has to look away long enough to get his attention.

"We need to leave Cas, please. I need to get you both out of here, and somehow manage to get Crowley in the car." I sound angry. After everything Cas has put me through lately, I hate that I sound angry with him, but it's the only way I know how to get him to snap out of it. "Now you can either go sit in the car with Sam, or you can help me drag the sonofabitch out here and stuff him in the trunk."

My heart breaks as I see Cas try to process what is going on around him. Before he can even answer, I walk next to him and pull him up, wrapping one of his arms around my shoulder to support his weight better.

"I'm going to put you in the car buddy. Please, don't watch the sky anymore." I open the door to the back seat of the Impala and gently get him to sit down on the back seat. "Just. Stay. Here."

"Where would I go Dean…" He face, pained and broken, turns to look up at me. "Heaven is… They are all gone… My friends, my brothers and sisters, are all here on earth now. I have NO ONE!" He shouts the last words, but his voice breaks, betraying how he really feels. "And besides, my Grace is gone. Metatron has it, and I used the last of my powers to even make it here to you. So I ask you again, where would I go Dean?"

I stare down at Cas' broken form, trying to figure out what is the most important thing to do right now. Crowley, Cas, and Sam, all broken and needing me. "I'll be back," I tell Cas, grabbing and squeezing his shoulder to show that I care. "And then we'll leave and find somewhere to lie low for a little while, ok?"

Cas doesn't say anything and I turn to walk back into the church.

"What's been going on?" Crowley asks once he hears my boots hitting on the hard wood.

"Change of plans, we're heading out." I walk over to him and unlock the chains from the floor. Grabbing the chain that's connected to the manacle around his neck, I grab his arm and pull him to his feet. "We need to leave. Now. So don't give me any shit, because you still can't smoke out. Now, are you going to play nice, or do I need to shove you into the trunk again?"

"Well, it's like you said," His voice is quiet, unsure. "I can't go anywhere anyways."

There's something different about him. Even though Sam didn't finish the trial, Crowley isn't what he used to be. I nod my head and we both head back outside into the mud and rain. I take him to the other side of the car, opposite from Cas and open the back door. Crowley manages to get himself into the car without too much difficulty. The chains rattle against the floor of the car, a soft metallic sound that contrasts with the sound of the rain pattering on the roof of the car.

Looking to the sky one last time, I see that most of the angels have stopped falling and now there are only a few fireballs left. Opening the driver side door, I climb in behind the wheel and start the car. I try to think of what Sam and I passed on our way up here, and finally think of where the little town we passed is.

"Dean…" Sam starts to stir, and tries to turn to look at me.

"Hey Sammy, don't worry about it," I say to him. "I'm going to get you out of here and everything will be ok."

He looks at me with pained eyes before passing back out again. I look in the mirror behind me and see that Cas has fallen asleep, a sight that is so foreign to me I file it away to think about later. "Guess it's just you and me Crowley."

"Don't count on it Cowboy," Crowley mutters before laying his head against the windowpane. "Just because I don't sleep, doesn't mean that I won't." And with that, I watch as he closes his eyes and seems to settle in for a long ride.

"This is just great. A car full of people, all with something seriously wrong with them, and I'm the sane one." Sighing, I throw Baby into reverse and turn around. Driving down the long driveway that leads back to the main road becomes so much of a challenge I am not left with much room to think of anything else. Surprisingly, hitting the numerous potholes I miss does not wake anyone up and I am left with a mostly silent car.

I finally make my way back to the main road without doing too much damage, and inch my way out onto the slick road. The headlights glare off of the water on the blacktop as I make my way in what I think is the direction of the nearest town. The endless forests seem to follow me and grow darker as I drive, almost like there is something chasing me. I start to wonder what is going on with Sam. And Cas. I still cannot wrap my head around the idea that Cas is sleeping. I think about the angels, and how they were falling all around, but Cas couldn't have fallen. He came to us when I called, so he still had some juice…

He said something about Metatron though, and how his Grace was gone. How could it be gone if he managed to Angel-poof over to the church? Resigning to puzzle it all out later, I try to think about what is going on with Sam and what I could possibly do. Of course, I don't know how bad of shape he is really in. Sighing, I turn the music up so it blocks out my thoughts, but isn't loud enough to wake anyone up, and continue driving until I reach a small town.

It doesn't take me long to find a motel in the town, and I park the Impala in a random spot away from the check-in building. And away from all the lights. No need for people to start wondering why there are three passed out, grown ass men in my car. Heading inside, I notice that there is a vending machine, and I decide to get a couple bottles of water on my way back outside to have on hand.

"What can I do for you?" The lady behind the counter asks with a smile. Her brown hair reflects as much of the dingy light as it can, framing a rounded face with perfect brown eyes.

Once that would have completely turned me on.

"Uh, just a room. Double if you can." I mutter as I pull out my wallet, looking down at the counter.

"Alright, let me just get you a key." She turns around to look at a rack of keys before pulling one off of a hook and turning back to face me. She sits the keys down and starts typing away at the computer in front of her. "Can you just sign in for me? There's a clock on the wall behind me if you need to know what time it is as well."

I grab a pen and start to sign the name that matches the credit card in front of me, looking up to check the time as I finish the last name. I am only slightly startled to see it is three in the morning.

"Any idea as to how many days you will want the room?" She asks with a smile again. Her voice, soft and cheerful, makes me again thankful that not everyone has to grow up in this life.

"Uh, let's just make it a few days… Three?" I rattle off a random number, unsure of how long I may end up staying here. "Also, are there any town maps I might be able to take?"

"Sure, they are right next to the vending on your way out. There are a couple of brochures if you want to look at anything else." She swipes the card and waits a minute for the machine to authorize the purchase. I run my hand through my hair, trying not to look utterly beaten and impatient. I try not to let it show, but she must have guessed anyways. She quickly hands my card and receipt to me, only saying a few parting words before waving me off.

I grab a town map on my way out, and walk out to the car with the water bottles in my hands. Setting them on the hood of the car, I open the door and grab the bottles again, placing them inside before getting in the car and driving over to the door that has our room number on it. Once there I turn off the car and sit.

I sit in silence for a few minutes, surrounded by the sound of three people breathing while they sleep. I decide that I'm going to put Crowley in the trunk for sheer lack of ability to watch three people at one time. Sam will definitely get a bed, and most likely Cas, which leaves me wondering if there is going to be at least a comfortable chair in the room. Sighing, I pull the keys out of the ignition and get out of the car.

I yank Crowley's door open, catching him before he falls.

"The bloody hell was that for?" He yells at me. Saying nothing, I grab him by the cuffs around his wrists and yank him out of the car. Dragging him behind me, I walk to the back of the car and unlock the trunk, ignoring the endless stream of obscenities that pour from his mouth.

"Look Crowley, just get in the trunk." My voice sounds deadly calm, even to me, and Crowley stops talking to really look at me. "Just get in, please."

"Fine, but don't you dare think I'm going to stay there for however long it takes for Moose and Angel Boy to get better. I'll find a way out, just wait and see." His voice is low and calm as well, a hint of danger lacing through his words. Looking again at the trunk, I watch his shoulders fall as his eyes scan the space. "At least old cars have big asses." He climbs in, and I shut the trunk lid on him once I see his is in an acceptable position.

"Sam next…" I mutter to myself. Walking around the car, I decide it would be a good idea to unlock the motel room first, so I don't have to try and do it while dragging Sam next to me. I poke my head inside just to make sure the room is empty and that there are two beds, before walking back to the car and opening the front passenger side door.

Somehow managing to open the door and not drop Sam, I pull his arm up and around my shoulder, trying to support his weight and get him the rest of the way out of the car at the same time. It is times like this I wish he was still shorter than me. Grunting, I heave one last time and get him sort of on his feet.

"Dean…" Sam mumbles, trying to raise his head.

"I got you Sammy. We're just going to walk into this room and then you can get some sleep." I tell him, talking more for my own benefit than his.

"Dean… It hurts… Fire…" His words slur together, his face a mix of pain and exhaustion. I tell myself to just keep walking and I finally get him close enough to the bed that I can lay him on it. Gently setting him down, I pick his legs up and place them on the bed. His hand finds my wrist as I start to walk away, fingers ghosting on my skin.

"Dean please…" He begs.

"I'm trying Sammy. Please try and get some sleep for a little while. I need to go get Cas out of the car so just try and sleep." His eyes find mine for a few seconds, and it looks like he nods before letting go and closing his eyes. "I'm right here Sammy so just hold on. I'll figure this out."

I watch his chest slowly start to fall into a rhythm as he falls asleep, and his face finally relaxes. Sighing, I run my hand over my head, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that's building in my stomach. It's too much for one person, but all I can do is keep going.

Setting my shoulders straight again, I walk out of the room and go back to the Impala. Cas is awake now and looks up at me as I open his door. His eyes still give a sense of being lost and my heart aches for what has happened to him.

"Come on, let's go inside. There's another bed for you to get some sleep on." I grab his arm and help him get out of the car.

"Dean, I don't sleep." His gruff voice is barely loud enough to hear.

"Yeah, well now you do apparently." He looks at me, confusion written across his face. "You slept the whole drive over here. So now you're going to go in there and get some more sleep."

Instead of arguing, Cas nods and lets me lead him into the motel room. He sighs as he looks into the room, but doesn't say anything. I get him to slip off the trench coat and the suit coat before he sits on the edge of the bed.

"I'm going to hang these up and you are going to drink this," I say, handing him one of the bottles of water. "Don't argue, just do it."

I walk over to the tiny closet that these motels always have, and take out a couple hangers. I place each coat on one, and then toss my own jacket up onto the top shelf. I step into the bathroom and turn on the tap, letting the water run down the drain. Placing my hands onto the side of the cheap sink, I watch the water run and sigh, trying to let my thoughts stop racing for even a few moments. It isn't long though before I'm slashing water on my face and wiping it off with one of the towels.

I turn the tap off and walk out of the bathroom to see Cas still sitting on the edge of the bed. I notice that the water is half gone, so I say nothing as I walk out of the motel back to the car. I decide that I'm just going to go out and get my gun, so I don't have to kick Crowley out of the trunk to get anything else.

"DEAN!"


	2. Chapter 2

"DEAN!"

My head whips around, hearing my name screamed in such panic, fear and pain that almost trip trying to run so fast to get back inside the room. I expect to see Sam screaming in pain, but instead it's Cas. It's only after I get inside that my brain registers it was Cas' voice I heard.

I find Cas on his elbows and knees on the ground, screaming in pain. His hands wrap around his head, fingers clutching at his own hair as he continues to scream. I stand stunned, not knowing what to do and being unable to move.

"Dean! Dean help!" Cas' voice pulls my out of my mind, and I rush over to him.

"Cas, what's happening? Tell me what's wrong!" I coax him hands away from his head, trying to ignore the clumps of hair that come away in his fingers. "Come on Cas, you gotta tell me something."

"My back.. It's on fire. Dean.. Make it stop!" The words sound forced, pained, like every word hurts.

"Ok Cas. I need you to sit up a bit then. Come on, a little farther." I get him to sit up enough that I can lean him against me and start unbuttoning his shirt. "Here, can you pull off your tie? We need to get these off so I can see what's going on with your back." He nods, hands already reaching for the knot at his neck.

I finish the buttons on his shirt and give it a yank so it comes untucked, along with the undershirt. The tie falls to the floor between us and I maneuver him into a different position so I can slip the shirt from his arms.

"ARGGGG DEAN PLEASE!" Cas screams again, clutching my arm before doubling over in pain again.

"Come on, let's get you on the bed, ok Cas? And then we can figure out what's wrong." I keep talking, not really knowing if Cas is even listening to me as I pick him off the floor. His legs barely want to hold his own weight, so I have to half carry him the three feet it takes to get to the bed. I lay him on his stomach, and he buries his face in a pillow.

"Just stay here, I'm going to go check out the room, there might be a hex bag or something in here." I tell him. He tries to say something to me but it only comes out in another scream of pain. I run into the bathroom and start tearing it apart, looking in any place that would be small enough to fit one of those damn bags.

"Dean!" Cas yells my name again, but I have to just keep looking. Not finding anything in the bathroom, I run back into the main part of the room and start looking in the closet.

"Dean, it's not witches!" Cas manages to say through clenched teeth. I look back over at him and see that he is twisted around to look at me. "My… Wings."

Hearing those two words makes my body stop and my brain kicks into overdrive, thinking of all the events of the last few hours. Cas saying his Grace was gone, watching the angels fall, their wings striping away from their bodies as they got closer to the ground. Cas never said anything about falling, only that his Grace was gone. It must have happened before the Fall started, which means…

"You still have your wings?" I ask him, stunned.

"Yes, but there is something wrong…" He grunts out the words, trying to make me understand. I watch as his back spasms and he screams again, face burying back down into the pillow.

I go back over to him, trying to figure out what to do. I look over at Sam, the one out of us that always seems to know what to do, and see that he is still sleeping, even though Cas has been screaming.

"Ok Cas, you gotta help me out." I coax. "Give me an idea, I want to help but you need to help me know what I can do."

He starts to lift his head again, but before he can his back spasms again, and this time he clenches as the skin on his back starts to bulge near his shoulders.

"Are those…?" I watch in horror as the bulges grow bigger and start to break through the skin. Little points rip through, blood coating them. Blood trickles away from where the points are showing, and I watch red make trails down his back and to his ribs.

"Dean…" Cas is panting now, unable to catch his breath as the spasms come quicker. I watch as another one hits and the points push out even farther. I start to notice that under all the blood, the points are black and sharp as knives.

"Cas, what are those?" I ask in horror. I never get an answer, but I don't really need one.

The spasms grow closer together, until Cas is constantly screaming in pain, back muscles completely clenched. The slits start to grow longer and wider as his wings continue to force their way out of his back. Black feathers dripping in red blood, they are around two feet long before the spasms break off. The blood drips into the streams of blood along Cas' back, and as his screams die away to whimpers, I walk into the bathroom to grab all of the towels I can, and fill the ice bucket with water.

Once back at Castiel's side, I dip one of the hand towels into the water, and try to wash off some of the blood from his back. He is still whimpering and breathing hard, but his shoulders start to relax the more I wash him.

"It's going to be ok Cas. I may not know what is going on anymore, but I can promise, it's going to be ok." I don't know if he really hears the words I'm saying, but I continue to talk as I wash his back off. The feathers constantly drip blood onto the back of my hand. A few feathers glisten, already free of blood, and they shine. They are the longer feathers, the Primaries, which form the end of wings. Even though his wings are two feet long, the Primaries are still not completely showing, yet they are beautiful to look at. In a grotesque sort of way.

"What…" Cas' voice shakes me away from my thoughts. "What color… are they?" He struggles to say the words, almost as if he is just trying to ignore the pain in his back.

"The feathers?" I realize that there is in fact something wrong with the color of these feathers. Aren't most angel wings white? Are his black because he rebelled? I decide to tell him the truth since they will be long enough for him to see eventually. "They're uh.. They're black Cas." I tell him, waiting to see what his response will be.

Surprisingly, he smiles. He even laughs a little, and shifts on the bed. I let him finish laughing and catch his breath as I go change the water in the ice bucket.

"Are they really black Dean?" He asks as I walk over to check on Sammy again. He's still asleep, so I sit back on the ground, taking my place next to Cas.

"Yeah, sorry buddy, they are. Course, that's not counting the places where they are dripping red still." I jokingly tell him.

"Do not be sorry Dean. I was expecting them to be that color." His voice sounds surprisingly light hearted and I sit in confusion. Why would he be happy his wings are black?

"I never did tell you what the color of an angel's wings mean did I?" He pulls his head away from the pillow to look at me, only slightly panting now. I shake my head no, catching his blue-eyed gaze. "I'll have to tell you about that sometime then." He whispers.

"Yeah I guess you will. Hey, earlier you mentioned that there was something wrong when I asked about you still having your wings." Cas nods his head, letting me know he remembers the conversation. "So other than there now being two feet of wings poking from your back, wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Well, when angels are in their vessels, their wings never fully manifest. You can only see the shadow of them, and not the tangible thing." He takes a deep breath, wincing slightly as his back moves more than is comfortable. "But now that my Grace is gone, I can no longer leave this vessel. When I'm out of my vessel I can use my wings. It's hard to explain.. Long story short, there is no reason for them to be forming the way that they are. They should not be able to emerge from a vessel." He is panting now, and while I am slightly confused, I think I understand the gist of what is going on.

"So what the hell is going on now?" Cas shakes his head, looking as confused as I feel.

"I honestly do not know Dean…"

"Could it possibly have something to do with the spell Metatron cast?" I ask, digging to find a reason. "Since you were already here on Earth, could this just be how your Angel-self is handling things?"

"Well, since I have no Grace, I am not really an Angel anymore." He starts to turn his head away, but instead looks past me. He doesn't want me to see the pain he feels, but even if I could not see his eyes, the pain is wafting off of him in waves. "It is possible Metatron has something to do with it. He is the one who sent me back and he could have done something during that time."

"Man, I really wish I could kick his ass right now." I mumble under my breath.

"Somehow, I don't think that would help right now." A smile starts to tug at Cas' lips as he looks me in the eye again.

"So they're really black?" He asks again of his feathers. I nod in response and Cas' face breaks out into another smile. "That's.. Good. It's really good." He cranes his neck trying to see them, but winches as his skin and muscles pull the skin on his back.

"So what's going to happen with your wings?" I ponder out loud. "I mean, are you just going to be a walking human with giant black wings or what? Because if that's the case, we will have to get you a bigger coat." When he smiles at me, I warm a little on the inside, but watch as the smile slowly slides off of his face.

"I honestly do not know what will happen. I have never heard of this occurring before." He tries to hid it, but I pick up the sadness in his voice and know that no matter what does end up happening, it is not going to be good.

"Hey," I touch his arm gently, getting his attention away from whatever thoughts he is having. "Look, we are just going to have to take this one step at a time, ok?"

Cas pulls his arm away and instead grabs my hand and holds it in his. I feel my face grow hot, not knowing why, and I stroke the edge of his fingers with my thumb without really knowing I am. "I'm not going anywhere Cas. Not without you and Sammy sitting in that car with me. We'll figure something out." I gently squeeze his hand and start to pull away when Cas starts squeezing back.

"Thank you Dean," he whispers, looking down at our hands.

I look down at our hands too, wondering what is going through his mind. We sit in silence for a few minutes, still holding onto each other. Cas suddenly starts squeezing slightly harder, and not thinking much about it, I do too. When he continues to though, hard enough to start to twinge, I try to pull my hand away from his.

"Uh Cas?" I say, my voice filled with nervous laughter. "You might wanna stop before you break my hand." Chuckling slightly I look back up at Cas' face and realize his head is turned back down into the pillow, his breathing hard and ragged again. It is only then that I realize while I have been thinking, his back started having spasms again.

"Cas, it's going to be ok, come on Cas," I whisper, still trying to pull my hand away, my fingers losing feeling as his grip continues to tighten. "Castiel, look at me." I command.

"It's worse Dean, so much worse!" He moans into the pillow. "Please Dean, please make it stop.."

I wish I could, I wish there was something I could do to help him. Finally managing to pull my hand free, I reach for the cloth and start gently massaging his back. "I know it hurts buddy. It will be over soon."

After a few minutes, his wings still haven't grown any longer and I start to get worried. Cas breathes harder every minute, his back heaving with the effort and shaking from the spasms. I continue to talk to him the whole time, trying to get his mind off of what is going on, not really knowing if he is even listening. Maybe I'm just talking for my own benefit.

Lost in my own thoughts, I am taken aback when Cas abruptly whips his head towards me. "Get. Sam. On. The. Floor." He speaks haltingly.

"Cas..? What..?" I try to form a question, but before I can, he is pushing me away, towards the bed Sam is on.

"Get. Him. On the floor. NOW!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Since November is quickly approaching, I wanted to get in a new chapter. I am unsure how much, if any, I will be posting during November, as I am planning on participating in NaNoWriMo. This will greatly take away from the time I would spend on this story, however if things do not go so well with my novel, I will continue writing this story. If things do go well with my novel, I will see you sometime in December!**

**Good luck to anyone else who is participating in Nanowrimo as well!**

**Also, if you don't like Destiel, I suggest you stop reading my story after this chapter.**

* * *

"Get. Him. On the floor. NOW!" Cas shouts, loud enough to make my instincts kick in.

I jump over the bed, grabbing Sam's by the shoulder when I land. I use my momentum to pull him off of the bed and slide him to the floor. Ducking on my knees, I look up quickly to see Cas fall off of the bed he was on and kneel between the two beds. He grabs the side table with his hands, fingers digging into the faux wood, making it creak.

"Cas!" I start to rise, wanting to run to him. Wanting to protect him.

"Stay there Dean!" His voice sounds pained and raw. He turns towards me and I see the fear in his eyes, his pupils surrounded by more white than seemed possible. "Stay there, I don't want to hurt y-"

I watch as he stops midsentence to throw his head back. I see his mouth open, eyes shut tight, and notice his back spasms and clenches, faster and faster. No noise comes from his mouth, but it stays open in a silent scream of anguish.

"Cas!" My voice breaks as I call out to him. His back continues to spasm, until it is becoming more and more clenched. Soon, only the muscles around his shoulders continue to spasm, and just when I do not think I can stay kneeling here any longer, Cas arches forwards and finally releases a loud, heart-stopping scream.

My world freezes, a moment suspended in time. My brother is lying next to me, possibly in a coma after still not waking, even after everything that has gone on. The King of Hell is in the trunk of my car, planning who knows what for after he gets out. And Cas. Back covered in blood, voice gone ragged from the scream that still rips itself from his throat. Cas, head thrown back, his face no longer able to mask the pain and terror he feels as two black wings rip themselves from his flesh. Me frozen, unable to help anyone, unable to do anything other than try and piece my family back together, again and again. My heart stops as I watch Cas, time slowly starting to move again.

I throw my arm over my face, trying to protect it from the sharp feathers that start slicing through the air and I duck down next to Sam. My hearing starts to work again and I listen as Cas' scream becomes more intense and starts to sound less human. His scream is turning into an angel scream.

Knowing there is nothing I can do to protect myself once it becomes a full on angel scream, I rise up from my crouch and leap over the bed. I somehow manage to pull Cas away from the side table, where his fingers have made gouges in the wood. I grab Cas by the back of the head, pulling it slowly towards my chest, resting it against me as I wrap my other arm around him, pulling him even closer to me. My ears and head ache from the sound of his cry, but I'll die no matter where in the room I am if I do not get him to stop.

"Cas…" I start to whisper to him, not even sure if he can hear me. "Cas, I'm here. I know it hurts, but it's going to be ok Cas." I keep murmuring to him, slowly running my hand over his lower back, rubbing small circles against his flesh. "

After a bit of doing this, his scream started to sound normal again, more human. Even that started to die off as I continued to talk and rub his back. It wasn't long before the only noise that was coming from him was the sound of shaky, rattling breaths, ones that only come when you're broken and beaten.

Neither of us tries to get up, the only movement are us breathing and my hand continuing to make circles on his back. I am afraid to try and move him, not knowing how bad his back really is, but I'm also afraid of blood loss. His breath, still quick and ragged, is warm against my neck. I rest my chin gently on the top of his head, waiting for Cas to realize I am here. Slowly, his breathing becomes less ragged and I wonder if it's because he is adjusting to the pain, or if the pain is starting to die down. I stare at the wall in front of me, ignoring the hulking black shapes the demand my attention. I only want to look at Cas and know that he is ok.

I continue to listen to the sound of his breathing slowly return to normal, as Cas starts to stir beneath me. He head rubs against my chest and I notice that my shirt feels wet. Looking down, I see deep blue eyes staring back up at me, red rimmed and tired looking. My eyes trail over the rest of his face and see the tear streaked cheeks, the spilt lips, and how he looks so pale…

"Hey Cas," I whisper, smiling slightly. "How you doing?"

He shakes his head, hair brushing against my chin as he answers my question.

"Wanna try and move on to the bed.?" I gently ask, wanting to get him off of the floor and into a more comfortable position.

He sighs. As I wait to see what his answer will be, I turn my thoughts to Sam and start to wonder what is really wrong with him. What those trials might have done to him… I already know he was hiding something from me like always. Hopefully it is nothing too serious…

I lose myself in my thoughts of Sammy until Cas starts to move beneath me again. He head shifts and he pulls back slightly, only enough so he can look up at me.

"Dean.." he says weakly.

"Come on Angel-boy. Let's get you on the bed, ok?" I stare into his blue eyes as he nods slowly at me.

I try to stand up without jostling Cas too badly. Once I can stand, I stand next to him and bend down to reach him. With one hand under where his wings stick out, I put my other arm under his legs and lift. Once he is in my arms, he wraps one of his arms around me, gripping my shirt. I feel one of his wings brush my left shoulder as the other one hangs limply in front of us, almost touching the floor.

I can't help it. I cradle him to my chest, holding him tight as I lean back, balancing out the weight. His head is lying against my chest, and I notice that it fits perfectly in area close to my shoulder. As I hold him, I feel how warm his back feels against my hand and arm, and notice that his back is sticky from all of the blood and sweat.

Without asking him, I carry Cas into the bathroom of the motel room and gently lay him in the surprisingly nice tub. He wings seem to settle themselves into a place that is comfortable and I am almost a little surprised before I remember he is used to doing these things instinctively.

I turn on the hot water, and as it starts to fill the tub, I go back to the room and over to wear Sam is still lying on the floor. I manage to pull him up and get him back on the bed, breathing a small sigh of relief when I hear that he is snoring softly. He even mumbles a bit about pigs as I cover him with a blanket.

Going back to the bathroom, I roll my sleeves up, before just taking both the long sleeved and short sleeved shirt underneath off. They're just going to get slopping wet anyways and they're already covered in blood. Cas' suit pants lay on the floor next to the tub, but he is leaning back against it, eyes closed, letting the water run over him. His wings wrap around the edges of the tub, with pools of blood beneath them. They have finally stopped dripping and are now glistening in the poor lighting of the bathroom.

"You awake Cas?" I ask as I bend down next to the tub. He nods, eyes still closed.

"You didn't take my pants off…" He mumbles. "They were starting to get wet…" His voice is soft, just barely above a whisper.

I smile gently and reach over to turn off the water. "Is the water warm enough for you?" I try to keep him talking, not really wanting him to fall asleep just yet.

"It's fine Dean…" His head turns towards me and he opens his eyes slightly. "Although, I am not really sure what I'm doing in a… tub? full of water anyways…" A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and I chuckle softly.

"Well, this time you are just going to sit there and try to relax." I reach behind me to grab a cup from off the counter. "I, however, am going to try and clean you up a bit. You're covered in sweat and blood and we probably shouldn't lay you on the bed. I don't want to have to pay for new bedding." His smile grows and he even tries to laugh before groaning, face scrunched up.

Trying not to show too much worry on my face in case he starts watching me again, I get up and walk over so I can sit behind Cas. I get him to lean forward a bit, so I can clean his back off, and feel the feathers of his wings brush against me. The rustle softly as they rearrange themselves to accommodate his new position in the tub.

I reach down into the tub to fill the cup up with water and slowly pour it down his back around his left shoulder. The water runs pink and starts to color the water in the tub. He groans softly as the warm water runs over the wounds created by his wings. I run water over the left side a few more times, and then the right side, watching the water in the tub as it continues to turn pink.

Since the washcloths in the motel are white, I decide against using them. Instead, I grab the bar of soap that all motels seem to supply and rub it in my own hands, getting them covered in soap bubbles.

"This is going to sting Cas…" I warn him before reaching to grab his shoulders in my hands. "It has to be done though, or else these wounds are going to get infected." I wait for him to nod his understanding, watching as he pulls his hands out of the water and grips the side of the tub. "I'll be as gentle as I can…" I mumble.

"It's ok Dean, I'm ready." Cas tells me as he takes a deep breath.

I take a deep breath as well and slowly start to rub his back with my soap covered hands. His breath catches as the soap starts to run into the wounds. I grimace as I continue to wash the wounds, my hands turning pink from Cas' blood. I know that I am hurting him and I try not to think about it because I just can't handle it. I block out my own thoughts, and only concentrate on what I have to do right now, something I am well practiced with.

As I start to get to wear the wings actually protrude, I realize I can see all the way down to the bone and wonder if I should stich those up after cleaning them. I feel Cas' muscles clench underneath my hands and try to block out the sounds of pain that issue from his mouth. He's grunts start to turn to whimpers before I even finish cleaning around the left wing. I try to ignore it all though, the whimpers, the tremors, the clenched back and hand muscles, and try to stay focused.

I care too much. If I don't block out what he is doing, I will never be able to finish this.

If I don't finish what I'm doing though, he'll just get worse.

I can't even think about what I would do then. If Cas was lying on one bed, Sam the other, and both of them so far gone, I couldn't bring them back. I can help Cas, this is something I can do. I don't know how to help Sam, so I just wash his back.

His whimpers turn to cries. My heart breaks. My vision starts to go blurry and when I blink, my face feels wet.

I finish the left side cannot bring myself to move to the right side. My hands are stained pink. Before my mind can tell me to stop, my pants are off and I'm climbing into the tub around Cas, a leg on each side of him and my arms wrapping around his chest. My tears drip on to his neck as I try to pull him softly to me, wanting to feel his weight leaning against me, wanting to stop the shudders that are still racking through his body.

I unwrap one of my arms and reach out to where his hand is still gripping the edge of the tub. I gently pry his fingers out of their death grip, and instead lace them with mine. He grips my hand tightly, and I grip back just as tight as I wrap my arm back around him, only now it is intertwined with mine.

Cas starts to lean back against me, his other hand dropping into the water, almost as if he is just now realizing I am here. I support him as almost collapses against me. I am surprised when I fit almost perfectly between his wings and I feel the soft brush of some of his feathers against my skin. My breath catches as I feel his shudders increase, and as I feel drops landing on my arms.

"It's going to be ok Cas," I whisper to him. "Everything is going to be ok…"

He continues to shudder and cry while I hold him and continue to whisper to him. Eventually, the drops stop landing on my arms and his shudders die down to shakes. His grip loosens slightly on my hand, but he does not let go. I place my chin in the area between his neck and shoulder as he leans his head against my own shoulder.

"Dean, you have to do the other one…" His breath tickles my chin. His voice is full of pain, and even though I do not want to hurt him anymore, I know he is right.

"Yeah, I know I do." I tell him. "Let's just.. I want you to take it easy for a bit, ok?"

I say this out of selfishness. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want my heart to hurt anymore from seeing him hurt. Not that I want to see anyone else hurt him. I just don't think I can stomach hurting him anymore.

"Dean, please. Just… get it over with." His gruff voice breaks my thoughts and I sigh.

I grudgingly let go of his hand and he leans forward again to grip the tub. I grab the bar of soap again and start to wash his other shoulder. I don't think about my pink hands getting redder. I don't think about the shudders beneath my hands or that I can see even more bone around this wing. I don't listen to the cries that are louder this time and come closer together.

He is screaming and my hands are as red as the water we both sit in.

I reach around him to drain the water from the tub and watch as it swirls around us. Once the water is all gone, I reach for the warm water tap and turn twist it on. The tub slowly fills with warm water again, and I try to focus solely on the water rising around us.

As the water gets higher, Cas seems to relax slowly, and eventually starts to lean back against me again. I bury my face against his neck, as he grabs for my hands, holding them in his own. Once the water gets high enough, he reaches forward to turn the tap off, and grabs my hand again, wrapping my arms around him. He leans his head back against me, but I keep my face buried against him.

"Dean, please don't cry." He tells me. I didn't know I was crying. I shake my head.

My heart hurts.

I know he is speaking, but all I can hear are the screams that were ripped from his lips only a few minutes ago. Screams that I caused so much like screams I caused years ago. My tears gather on his shoulder, running down his chest as we soak in the clean warm water. He grips my hands tight, the ones that were just causing him so much pain and he holds them like he never wants to let go.

"Please Dean," He turns towards me and I feel his breath against my ear. His words send shivers down my spine. His nose nuzzles my ear and more shivers run through me. One of my hands is now empty as he reaches up and cups the side of my face. "I'm going to be ok, remember?"

Cas moves his hand from my cheek to the back of my head and starts to play with the hair at the base of my neck. Without even thinking about it, I press my lips to his shoulder, tasting the salt from my own tears. I place kisses all along his shoulder, wanting to feel more of his soft skin beneath my lips.

I can't get enough, so I gently push Cas' head to the other side with my own head and press my lips to the skin of his neck. I feel the blood pounding through the veins that my lips find and I suck on those areas softly, nipping them with my teeth. Cas pushes back against me, using the hand he still has twisted in my hair to hold me in place against his neck. I pour out all the sorrow I have for hurting him in those kisses and nips, wanting him to know that I never wanted to hurt him.

My lips move up to his jaw, teeth still nipping occasionally, and my tongue flicks out to lick his skin. I move up to his ear and start sucking on the lobe, gently biting it and I am surprised when I hear a moan escape from Cas' lips. With that moan, I am almost drawn to his lips. My right hand rises out of the water to cup his cheek, turning his head so it faces mine, and I finally capture his lips with mine.

I crush my lips against his, not bothering to be soft and careful. The need I have for him to know how I feel grows stronger, and so I kiss him hard and rough. Cas follows my lead, his soft lips hard against mine, like we are both finally letting loose something we have both been holding back. My hand finds the hair at the back of his neck and my fingers lace through it, gently tugging and holding him closer at the same time. His hand mimics mine and I feel the mixed sensations pour over me.


End file.
